...I know, I know...

Some advice from a good friend:

Wow Jenni, I was reading through your blogspot.... talk about similiar
experiences... Couple of observations, if you want them..... :) What do you do
now that you have all the information? Thank your lucky stars you are away from
him and realize how better your life will be when you don't have to wonder and
pry and sneak anyinformation out.... Quit thinking about it, it will only cause
you more pain... Also for me, I had to quit analyzing and trying to figure more
stuff out... it was over and did me no good to toil in the events of what
happened...That's one of the things that bugged me.. I always said, "just tell
me the truth, no matter how bad it is, and I'll handle things much better"...
but few people do that, and most would rather just lie to you and avoid the
drama...I learned some great lessons, such as if I need to constantly beg
someone not to lie to me that I'm holding on too long and need to end it. It's
true trust needs to be gained, but trusting someone with intimate thoughts and
downright lying to them are very different things...Look deep inside Jenni and
see what makes you happy, take up something(s) that you have always wanted to
do, but never had the time or money, it will be fun plus give you a great sense
of selfworth. Above all, surround yourself with people that make you feel good
about yourself and let go of the past.

Thanks...

This is something I know in my heart that I need to do...but my brain isnt ready, or isnt willing to let me at this point...I can't figure it out. Its still too new in my head I guess...but it will happen.

I think you seem to be having the same problem I did, you care too much...
At first I wanted to keep a friendship with her, in part because of all the
time I'd been with her, and in part because you feel rejected when someone
does that to you... I guess there is a point when I realized the things she
did didn't warrant any sort of friendship ever, no matter what we'd been
through or how long we'd been together... life is too short to stress about
people who treat you with little respect...:)

I KNOW, YOU ARE TOTALY RIGHT...Part of my problem is that I still talk to him
almost everyday...about mundane, unimportaint things mostly small talk...but when
I want to talk to him about importaint things he shuts me out, hangs up on me, or
loggs off his computer...it is extremely frustrating. I know i need to just
let it go...something inside of me is psychotic or something and wont. I do
want to keep a friendship with him, i just dont know if its possible since I still
love him so much. He doesnt know that I know about this other girl...mostly
because I dont want him to think I care so much about it to make it an issue
directly to him...another partof my problem is that my friends that are in
Denver still feed me information about him...i want to hear about things, but its
hard to hear these things sometimes. Im stuck.

My advice...1) Tell your friends you don't want to hear anything anymore. It will make it a lot easier for you...

2) Ask yourself why you still love him. The stuff he did doesn't sound worthy of your love.

3) Tell him you know about her and then just walk away. Resist the urge to answer
him as it will only cause more hurt.All of these are tough to do, but I had to
ask myself what good it did to keep thinking about things. I am tons
happier now...