...dis-harmony...

I am laughing so hard I almost peed my pants!!! I went onto eHarmony’s website to sign up...for fun...nothing more...and it took me about half an hour to fill out their questionnaires, there were at least 100 questions. This is all at work mind you...so finally I get to the last button that says “show me my matches” So I clicked on it with a smile on my face and what did I get? THIS!!!

eHarmony is based upon a complex matching system developed through extensive research with married couples. One of the requirements for successful matching is that participants to fall within certain defined profiles. If we find that we will not be able to match a user using these profiles, we feel it is only fair to inform them early in the process.We are so convinced of the importance of creating compatible matches to help people establish happy, lasting relationships that we sometimes choose not to provide service rather than risk an uncertain match.Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched. This occurs for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply will not benefit from our service. We hope that you understand, and we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time.

UN FRIGGIN BELIEVABLE!!!! Leave it to me. I think I did wet my pants....

My personality profile:

By analyzing your answers to the Relationship Questionnaire we have created the
following Personality Profile. Everyone has a set of subconscious wants and desires that drive their choices and attitudes. By asking you questions about a wide range of emotional issues, this report has established general patterns in your values. Some of the following information may seem inaccurate or incomplete. Remember, that this profile is a snapshot of your personality at a specific moment. It is not intended as an in-depth analysis of your complete being, but as a tool to aid in self-discovery. (well obviously these must be the things that are wrong with me, and why they kicked me out)

1. You are rather quiet and modest.
2. You tend not to show assertiveness and are never domineering or egocentric.
3. You prefer others to be in the spotlight rather than yourself.
4. When treated fairly, you can be sound and stable and seen as a dedicated and
   devoted individual.
5. You hesitate to say no and will seldom, if ever, attack.
6. You may be well thought of because you rarely antagonize others or rarely want the spotlight.
7. When meeting new people, you may be rather unassuming and mild mannered.
8. You will be cooperative and easygoing in social groups and family events, because of an inherent need not to make waves or cause hostility.
9. You become most comfortable in situations when the best offense is a good defense.
10. You seldom act aggressively towards others, but will demonstrate a passive resistance from time to time.
    

Each person has a unique way of communicating. We use a combination of body language, facial expression, verbal tone and word choice to share ourselves with others. The following statements offer a look at the natural behavior you bring to an interpersonal relationship. (the list below makes me sound like a friggin agoraphobia drug ad! Am I the poster child for Paxil????)

1. Your style shows you to be a much better listener than many other styles.
2. You will listen carefully and attend to what others say.
3. People who are talkative by nature may seek you out because of the natural audience you provide.
4. Because of a need to avoid confrontation, you may not express an opinion. As a result, you may go along with others, even if you disagree with the activity, sacrificing your own self-interests to accommodate others.
5. You would most likely not consider yourself an extremist on various issues, or in socializing with others.
6. You do not need to be the center of attention like others, and in fact may feel rather uncomfortable when in the limelight.
7. You generally communicate with others in a mild-mannered way.
8. You do not like to make waves and create disharmony. As a result, you may defer your own ideas to those of others.
9. In some new situations you may become somewhat unsure because of your need to feel secure in most activities. You will warm up to the new people or event in your own time.
   

Many different factors determine the communication styles with which you are most comfortable. Some individuals thrive on the challenge of pointed criticism, while others are at their best in a nurturing environment where criticism is offered as a suggestion for improvement. Each of us has a unique set of requirements and preferences. Below is a list of communication styles that will mesh well with your own. (too bad we cant help you find that person because you are a freak)

1. Having a partner who understands and practices these traits is important to your long-term happiness.
2. Present ideas softly, nonthreateningly.
3. Start with a personal comment to "break the ice."
4. Be sincere and use a tone of voice that shows sincerity.
5. Allow time to ask questions.
6. Show sincere interest as a person.
7. Provide personal support and assurance.
8. Provide solid, tangible, practical ideas and evidence.
9. Listen sincerely.
10. Move casually, informally.
11. Patiently draw out personal interests.
12. Support ideas for change with facts, figures and logic.

Following are some of the specific strengths and/or personal characteristics that you bring to a relationship. These may form the foundations of many of your friendships and dealings with other people. Some will seem obvious, but you may be surprised by others. Take a moment to reflect on each and consider what role it may have played in your past successes, and even failures. (Also please view this as a 12 step program and get psychological help soon)

1. You are good at helping other people to reach their goals.
2. You like to gather facts and think things over before offering a strong opinion.
3. You are excellent at listening to the concerns and ideas of others.
4. You are generally very patient with people.
5. You tend to work hard at making sure that other people are happy.
6. You are very supportive of other people.
7. You are very sincere in actions and words.
8. You are very respectful of the needs and wants of other people.
9. You tend to be a very calming influence in heated situations.
10. You are good at reconciling (i.e. you don't like to sulk after a conflict is resolved).
11. You are excellent at listening to your partner.
    

In general, human beings are defined by their needs and individuals by their wants. Your emotional wants are especially important when establishing with whom you are compatible. While answering the Relationship Questionnaire you established a pattern of basic, subconscious wants. This section of the report was produced by analyzing those patterns. Our wants change as we mature and obtain our life goals. You may find it valuable to revisit this section periodically to see how your wants have changed. You may want (but you cant have them because you are a freak of nature):

1. Peace and harmony.
2. Identification with your social group.
3. Time and opportunity to weigh pros and cons of decisions.
4. Scheduled activities with no haphazard or unplanned activity.
5. Clear responsibility and clear lines of who makes decisions.
6. Activities that may involve friends.
7. No sudden or abrupt changes in the situation.
8. Sincerity offered from others.
9. Time to react to new ideas and sudden change.
10. To feel important, but not be the leader.
11. A feeling of security.

Whatever....who would want to date a girl like this? Apparently no one. GAA!